During the early 50’s, members of the Los Angeles Police Department were competing with the notorious bribe-infested Chicago Police Force in their quest for being top dog in the acceptance of bribes racket.
The LA City Council decided that it was time for change so they brought in an outsider, Wild Bill Parker, to serve as chief.
Parker was a law and order dude from the get-go. His first admonishment to his new coppers was something to behold. “You folks who’ve been used to the taking of bribes – listen to me! If, by chance you somehow refused my order to stop all takings of bribes from our citizens — you may find yourselves as being guests of the Crowbar Hotel, whereupon sunshine will be piped into your cells!”
In no time at all the cleaning process was a huge success and to this day the LAPD is known as probably the best police department in the United States, due to one courageous, honest man and his legendary philosophy still adorning every patrol car, “To Protect and to Serve.”
Fast-forward to this year’s comedic election for sheriff of Nye County. The recent scandal involving the littering of our roadsides with an over-abundance of expensive campaign signs, most of which have been under attack by wannabe candidates acting like a gang of uncontrollable juvenile delinquents! And these supposedly mature men have the unprecedented gall to seek the top job?
There is a lack of evidence to prove that our local gendarmes are involved in the taking of bribes. However, what should grab the attention of potential voters is undoubtedly the best-kept secret — out of control NEPOTISM, which has been flourishing in podunct Pahrump for some time!
Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary describes the word thusly: favoritism shown to nephew and other relatives; bestowal of patronage by reason of relationship. Nepotists.
Two of the high mucky-ups within the current department are both seeking the office of sheriff — but get this — their combined annual loot from us Tax Slaves amounts to over a million smackers! Sadly, this virus is spread throughout the Nye bureaucracy! It’s way past time for a thorough housecleaning!
So whom are we, confused as mosquitos in a nudist camp patriots, to cast an intelligent vote for? The most honest man in Nye County, or the whole of Nevada, stands out profusely and that is the Flag Man, Ray Mallow!
You can bet your booty that once in office, he will demand that every deputy not only familiarize himself AND memorize the most perfect document ever designed by man — our precious United States Constitution, but to carry it on their person 24-7.
You’ll never see Mr. Mallow engage in typical, phony, smiley face, back-slapping, hand-pumping tactics — so familiar amongst the know-it-all typical candidates! And you also will never witness this penny-pinching patriot waste his hard-earned money on expensive signs and promotional propaganda as a vote-buying tool!
His honesty and outstanding ethical standards are beyond reproach, and deserve our every vote.
In the meantime — vote for me, I’m running for the nearest exit!