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Emergency Costumes for the Halloween Impaired

<p>Special to the Pahrump Valley Times - Patti Diamond takes foil to a whole new level for Halloween.</p></p>

Special to the Pahrump Valley Times - Patti Diamond takes foil to a whole new level for Halloween.

Here are some great, easy-to-pull-together, low- or no-cost costume ideas.

Wear all black and go as a mime. Use a white face paint kit from Walmart and cheap white cotton gloves. This will also excuse most bizarre behavior all night. When you’re over a conversation, just pretend you’re in a box and can’t hear the people around you. You can be a real doofus all night and people will just think you’re “in character.”

Wrap your head in aluminum foil and tell people you’re just tired of getting commands from the Mother Ship or wrap your whole body and go as a baked potato.

If you have an old pair of gloves, duct tape them to your feet to look like monkey feet and tell people “My evolution is wearing off.”

Take a cardboard box and cut out two circular holes. Write “Free Mammogram” on the box and put the box over your head. However, be warned: if you stay out long enough an inebriated woman will try to accommodate you and I guarantee she won’t be anyone you’ll be happy about.

Tape a quarter to your back and be a quarterback or carry and quarter and a hammer and be a quarter-pounder.

Paint a small box black and tape it to your back. Poof! You’re a refrigerator magnet.

Wear an old T-shirt. Put a piece of Styrofoam under your shirt and tape it to your body. Stab a fork through the shirt into the Styrofoam (carefully). Stick a fork in me, I’m done!

Duct tape couch cushions to your body, be a sandwich or a lost TV remote.

Find a quiet corner at the party and lay down. Tell people you’re playing possum. This is especially good for Moms who need a nap. However, this only works well on Halloween, other times it can damage the kiddies.

Wear your normal clothes and make a sign around your neck that says “Stripper on Strike.”

Take a bed sheet in pink or other pastel color and put it over your head like a ghost. Tie a shoe to your head and go as a wad of gum stuck to a shoe.

Patti’s Rules before Trick or Treating with kids:

Eat an early dinner with lots of protein;

Everybody goes to the bathroom before we leave the house;

If you have a baby with a pacifier; bring an extra;

Check your state’s open carry liquor regulations before you leave the house with a bottle of vodka and a straw; and

Bring a flashlight.

Other thoughts on Halloween costumes:

A funny costume does not make you a better dancer;

Wearing all black may sound cool but it’s also known as the “Invisible Pedestrian” costume;

Don’t forget your flashlight; and

If you wouldn’t want your boss, Mom, or significant other to see a picture of you in your costume, you should probably re-think the idea. At the very least try to keep yourself off Facebook, Twitter and the nightly news.

Finally, the costume practicality check list:

Can I carry my keys and cell phone?

Can I use the bathroom without totally undressing or dunking parts of my costume in the toilet?

Did I mention bring a flashlight?

If the answer is yes to all then you’re good to go. Happy Halloween!

For more Halloween inspiration please go to Divasonadime.com and enjoy the Halloween $urvival Guide filled with creative, frugal and fabulous ideas to Eat, Drink and be Scary!

Frugal Festivity contributed by Patti Diamond author of Divas On A Dime – Where Frugal, Meets Fabulous! www.divasonadime.com Join us on Facebook at DivasOnADimeDotCom.