Let Me Help: Advice from a streetwise woman in Pahrump who’s seen a few things

Well Castle Annie, I was once married to an alcoholic many years ago. It was horrible for my children and myself. The children were hurt the most. I thought our love could pull us through. They loved their dad but their love for him turned to anger and hatred.

I finally woke up to the fact that nothing would change him. Not my crying, or being broke all the time. I finally woke up! Their anger started coming toward me for taking all of this emotional abuse, including a few bruise.

We are fine now, after the divorce, but it took time. We no longer have to worry how he will be when he comes home. We picked up the pieces and moved on. Now my little sister is going through the same thing.

How can I convince her to get out of this marriage? Her alcoholic husband will not change, though some men do. She has one child now and she says she needs him and she says, “…but I love him.” Can you help me to convince her? He is not going to change, between the booze and now drugs. — Big sister

Big Sis: You will hear from your sister that “it’s her life.” That it’s “not your business, stay out of it.”

But you are probably the one she calls when she needs help. You can keep trying to convince her to leave this man, but sometimes it’s like talking to the wall because she loves him… until she either fears him or feels like she’s talking to the wall!

You might lose her and a relationship with the baby until she stands up to him. It might never happen, with some women it takes a lifetime.

Try to convince her that the baby’s going to be hurt the most; just hearing the arguments, his attitude, and lack of respect for their mom, a child can grow up with all kinds of problems.

The man’s anger could even turn on the child. So you can sit it out, or have a family sit-down. Your sister might turn on all of you — but please, listen to her.

There are groups for her to find help, or she can turn to the almighty God with faith. Maybe she can find a minister that she likes. If you are close to her, she might feel you are just butting in. But don’t give up: keep your faith and maybe you can go with her for support to a meeting. I was there once myself. It took me three months to fix it. Good luck!

Whatever happened to dinners made at home? I know sometimes both spouses work but come on, cooking is easy. I get so frustrated about going past all these carryout places: pizzas, hamburgers, you name it. There are lines.

Yes, I understand why: there are not enough hours in a day sometimes to take care of yourself. But it is not healthy. Most children order fries or tacos. Home cooking is not happening in our house!

I accept that my wife is busy but when she cooks there are no leftovers for lunch the next day, so I have to get carryout and the kids get what they want, junk food from the machines or whatever. I help with the wash and I also do the dishes when she cooks. I also do the bills and I see all the groceries being brought in.

Yes, prices are high. Don’t buy the goodies, make them. I am frustrated and I can’t get through to her. All the TV dinners. There are all the easy appliances to make it easier. I offer to help cooking on the grill but she says drive-thrus are much easier. I may as well move into the freezer or oven.

Well, no one cooks like mom or gramma. You do a lot, but your wife does probably three times as much. Little things take time. Maybe she doesn’t cook enough to freeze an extra meal out of everything she makes. Some women make three meals or even four on weekends for the next week’s meals. I suggest that the two of you can work on it together. You will also save money. Try to make two meals so you have leftovers for the next time.

Remember your mom saying that “people are starving all over the world,” so either eat your meal or go to bed without snacks? Get used to the new dinners because if you don’t eat that the next time you won’t get the phone or maybe the TV. And make sure you try to eat your dinners together at least twice a week. It’s fun making snacks together so try it.

All these carryouts are really wasting hard-earned money that could be used elsewhere. Grills are a really fast way of cooking — try it, it might help. Enjoy nature with natural foods, it will also help the waistline.

Spring is almost here and all the guys want to look snazzy! The girls and young ladies want to look sexy or more grown-up. I saw one family walk into a restaurant dressed casually and nice. Following them was their daughter in a very short dress and a lot of cleavage showing. OMG!

Maybe the parents have no say in the clothes their kids are wearing. Really, aren’t their parents embarrassed? What does gramma and grandpa say! I know they are not my children but I hate to see the tattoos all over them at such a young age. If that’s what they are like now, what about when they get older?

When “stranger danger” sees these very young ladies they get crazy and someone gets hurt. And everyone wonders why the parents have zero control. Old ways are the best ways! Let’s preserve them please.

Well, this is out of your control but your feelings are heard. These kids may be nice, and they may only be trying to keep up with their friends. The innocent ones are the ones who get hurt, either by sly remarks or people laughing at them. Yes, some young folks think they are ready for the outside world with provocative slang, makeup, and clothes. Parents can only do so much.

But if children walk out of their house wearing clothes that are not appreciated or approved by their parents, then they shouldn’t go out at all. Teach kids to respect themselves first. Tell them that you are embarrassed and you are not going to be stared at for their ways of dressing.

Remember: your house, your rules. And who pays for all these clothes? The shorts are getting shorter and so are the bathing suits. Many of these kids are so young. We can’t save the world, but we can save our children! Yes, there’s going to be lots of fighting.

If you let them talk back, problems are going to go on and it will not be getting better until you stand up. Yes, they look cute at younger ages but when they dress like that, watch them closely. Please keep them safe.

Ann Marie Kristen Noha is a resident of Pahrump. Contact her with your questions at anmano3@outlook.com, or mail questions to Pahrump Valley Times, c/o Ann Marie; 1570 E. Highway 372; Pahrump, NV 89048